Verizon will now come to your house to fix your cracked phone screen, you irresponsible slob

Good news, Verizon customers, and irresponsible phone owners everywhere. If you finally feel the need to repair your pathetic, cracked phone screen (after being turned down by yet another date because of it), you won't even have to leave your house—if you live in the right area, that is.

As part of its Total Mobile Protection device insurance plan, Verizon is now offering same-day phone screen repair service in-store and via house call. 

Yes: House call.

The program rolls out today, giving up to 60 percent of the network's customer base same-day support for their spiderwebbed screens. 

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